Is Rudy White Enough?

Every Republican presidential candidate must win over the so-called conservative base. They are overwhelming white and Christian. They love 9/11 and hate the Clintons. They are easily swayed by racial politics. And to quote Dennis Hopper in "True Romance," they are keenly aware that Rudy Giuliani is "part eggplant."

So...is Rudy Giuliani white enough? Here are the findings:

No
Pro-choice
Surname is over 50% vowel, including the last letter
Surname starts with sneaky spelling of Jew, cf. "Giu" York City
Brown eyes, tans easily

Yes
9/11
At least one of his kids hates him enough not to vote for him
First marriage was to a relative
Thin lips
First name: Rudy
Wife is a bitch

At this point, Rudy registers as white, by a hair. And if Judith starts being polite to staffers, he's right back on the bubble.

[via]